Frequently Asked Questions

Q:  Where are Garden Gnomes from?

A:  HELL

 

Q:  Why did you make this web site? 

A:  We are attempting to save the free world from Garden Gnomes and tuna
flavored mayonnaise.  Oh, by the way, in case I forget to mention it in
another part of this site.  Don’t ever eat tuna flavored mayo.  It is
disgusting, and it will do bad things to your stomach. 

 

Q:  How did you learn so much about Garden Gnomes?

A:  Encyclopedia Britannica, duh.

 

Q:  I like Garden Gnomes.

A:  That’s not a question, stupid.

 

Q:  I have been hearing all this hoopla about cumquats. Why is this?

A:  Well, its funny you asked.  Cumquats are the natural
predator of Garden Gnomes.  They can’t stand each other. 

 

Q:  My dishwasher has been acting up.  What should I do? 

A:  Well, you should have purchased the extended warranty when
you got said dishwasher at Sears.  But, it is a little late for
that now.  At this point you should call your local Maytag Man. 

 

Q:  My sister is about to buy a baby from Romania.  Should I
be worried about my safety? 

A:  Most Romanians are not actually Gnome.  Only those from
Taiwan and Texas. 

 

Q:  Why do you hate Garden Gnomes?

A:   Maybe this little story will help elucidate the situation for
you. 

Heber shivered in the cold.  He wrapped his thin coat around him.  It
would soon be his birthday, and all he wanted was a warm coat.  He knew it
would upset his mother if he asked for one.  They were so poor. Sometimes
they went to bed early because there was no fuel left to keep the house warm. 
To earn money, Heber’s mother would often sew until far into the night, making
clothes for other people.  On the day of Heber’s birthday, his mother
wished him a happy birthday and handed him the most beautiful coat he had ever
seen…A few weeks later, Heber was on an errand and saw a boy just his size
crying with cold.  The boy looked a Heber’s coat longingly.  Heber
stopped and, almost without thinking, took the coat off and gave it to the boy. 
That afternoon, Heber’s mother saw him wearing his old coat.  She asked,
"what have you done with your lovely new coat?"  Then he explained. 
"Couldn’t you have given him our old one?" she asked.  Heber looked up at
his mother, hoping she would understand, as she answered her own question, "Of
course, you couldn’t, Heber, of course you couldn’t." 

Do you think a gnome
would give up it’s coat to help a freezing boy…I didn’t think so.  
And, as we all know, Garden Gnomes are proven to cause at least four
types of cancer. Also, as previously discussed, Garden Gnomes are from
Hell. 

 

Any other questions?  Feel free to write us at

dumbquestions@gardengnomefromhell.com