History

The first Garden Gnome ("der Gartenzwerg") was seen in Graeferoda, Thuringia, Germany in the 1800's.  It came from HELL.  Some Hellenistic sculpture of the late Greek period indicate a thriving gnome superstition before this time.  Germany is an EVIL country.  I know this with every fiber of my being.  I've been there.  Hitler was of Gnome tutelage.  Some historians believe that Hitler was at least a quarter Gnome.  Pink Flamingos are cool.

The first recorded appearance of a Garden Gnome in England was around 1840 at the estate of Sir Charles Isham, the 10th Baronet of Lamport Hall.  The gnome killed Sir Charles using a kspork (the first k is silent--It's a plastic knife/spoon/fork monstrosity that failed at KFC.) 

The first two individuals to breed Gnomes in quantity were Philipp Griebel and August Heissner around 1872, with Heissner Gnomes being the most well known throughout the world.  They planned to take over the world using their little "friends,"  but thanks to the help of lawn jockeys riding American pink flamingos The world is still a safe place.

Gnomes were, and still are, considered to be more than decorations. It is good luck to place a Gnome in the home and garden, or so the Germans would have you believe. 

With the advent of war all of the German Gnome breeders were put to work breeding gnomes to wreck havoc on the allied forces.  The allies, not knowing it was gnomes to blame for their problems started to blame the problems on Gremlins.  GI Joes with parachutes rock my world!!!

During the late 40's and early 50's, the US government started a top secret branch of the FBI, the DWP, to study and eventually eradicate the Gnome.  Those that know the truth of the Garden Gnome know that the happenings at Roswell were actually Gnome related, and therefore Hell related. 

Though most superpowers know the truth of the garden gnomes, they try to avoid mass hysteria by hiding the secret wars they wage behind the smoke screens of "Rebel uprisings in South America" or "Unrest in the Middle East."  Rearrange the letters in the Taliban you get, abitaln, which is terrorist for, ok nothing, but in Gaelic it sounds a lot like the word for Garden Gnome.  Think about it.

To date, there is only one company, 'Kimmel Gnomes', that exclusively manufactures , handmade clay Garden Gnomes. With new designs and careful reproductions of rare antique Gnomes, Kimmel Gnomes is leading the way and keeping a charming, much loved tradition alive in gardens around the world. A tradition of Death.